When Nick was 13, he and his friend Andrew decided (like 90% of all teenage boys) that they were going to start a band. Nick loved music and Andrew played the guitar. Nick would write lyrics. Andrew would play. They would sing, be famous, and make girls swoon.
The first order of business was to have a name for their band. After tossing around some ideas they came up with a winner…The Positive Negatives. Nick loved to draw and so he started drawing logos for their band name (one of those is pictured at the top of this page in Nick’s own handwriting).
Two years later, Nick would get cancer. Eight months after that he would die.
While Nick was going through chemotherapy, he never said “why me”. He didn’t complain, not even in private to me. In fact, he always thought positively and believed there was a good reason for everything negative that was happening to him.
And so the name The Positive Negatives took on a whole new meaning for me.
How is it possible to be positive in such a negative world? I have witnessed this kind of spirit in so many children, teens, and their parents who are living with cancer and the after effects. They seem to have grasped what is important in life and in death.
It’s a difficult thing to do especially when there are so many awful things that come along to distract us.
THE WINDOW
There it is. My distraction. Third floor, 2nd window from the left, right in the front of the building. That is the room where Nick died. I’m looking at it now as I type these words from St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee.
The times that I returned to St. Jude in the first several years after Nick’s death, all I could do was see that window. In every TV commercial and every print add, there it was. For quite some time, my view of life was obstructed by that window and what had happened in that room.
It was the last place where I saw my son alive. The last place where I held his warm hand. The last place where I studied every freckle and chicken pox scar so I wouldn’t forget. It was the last place that we were all together…the Avery’s, party of 5.
What happened in that room became my focus for a time. I couldn’t see past it. Until one day I realized that I was focusing on 13 days of Nick’s life and forgetting about the other 15 years, 7 months, and 1 week.
Once I began to turn my thoughts to all the other days of Nick’s life, I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with what had happened. How could I turn this mother’s worst nightmare into something positive?
THE INDELIBLE MARK
I am convinced that the only way that we will leave a mark on this world is to determine that whatever tragedy or heartache that comes to us in this life, we will face it head on and work to find what good we can make from it.
Several weeks ago on the 10th anniversary of Nick’s death, I got an email from a St. Jude staff person and friend. She said, “In QoL (Quality of Life) rounds this morning we remembered Nick and you and passed around pictures of you and Nick together. We talked about Nick’s legacy.”
Nick has most definitely left a legacy here. And it came about because he was the ultimate Positive Negative. Just by his example, he taught me how to be one, too.
Recently I watched a cheesy made for Amazon series called Gortimer Gibbon’s Life on Normal Street. At the end of one of the episodes the main character gives a heartfelt epilogue. This is what he says…
“The only thing about life that anyone knows for certain is that it’s always changing. The moment you think you know where you stand the ground shifts beneath your feet. And I guess the most any of us can hope for is to fully love and be touched by the people we have met and the places we’ve been on this journey. And to know that, though we may only be passing through, we are not forgotten because we, too, have left an indelible mark.”
May you look for the positive in your negatives and leave an indelible mark.
By the way, it’s only 79 days (11 weeks and 2 days) until Race Day! I am running so that a cure will be found and kids will stop dying of cancer.
Song #46 from my Race Day Playlist is I Lived by OneRepublic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0rxydSolwU
This song reminds me of my Nick…and Carson…and Luis…and Samantha…and so many other kids whose lives have suddenly come to a screeching halt when they were told they had cancer.
If you haven’t been clicking the song link after reading the blog, you really should take a few minutes out of your day to enjoy some awesome music.
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http://fundraising.stjude.org/site/TR/Heroes/Heroes?px=2078389&pg=personal&fr_id=59186
I LIVED
Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay
Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say…
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived
Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I’ll say…
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived
Many of you who are reading this most likely know our Backstory, or at least part of it. If you don’t and would like to know more details of Nick’s story, you can visit his CaringBridge site here…
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/nickavery